


remembering is worse

by irlbyron



Series: Abuse Survivor Marcus Keane [1]
Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8632111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlbyron/pseuds/irlbyron
Summary: Marcus didn't even imagine his nightmares being a problem once he'd started working. Fortunately Tomás had seen his fair share of broken and damaged men.





	

**Author's Note:**

> firstly, i acknowledge i am not a splendid writer but consider this: it's all free. also pls leave comments and kudos

Tomás  gazed at the blank television, unable to sleep despite the fact that he knew that tomorrow he’d need all the energy he could find. He just couldn’t sleep; his mind was occupied with thoughts of Casey and pondering his new found partnership. 

 

Speaking of, Marcus was fast asleep behind him on the sofa, breathing softly with his arm draped across his eyes. Every now and then he’d twitch and shift, but otherwise was fairly quiet in contrast to  Tomás’ rapid thoughts. Marcus had been asleep around 2 hours, but still Tomás couldn’t seem to tire. He focused his attention to the man behind him, who breathed almost so silently that Tomás would have thought he was unconscious or dead had he not become accustomed to the relative silence that accompanied Marcus Keane. 

 

Tomás turned away again, gazing into space and fiddling with his crucifix. He heard Marcus twitch again, more violently than before, and looked behind him. Marcus was shaking and twitching, and his arm had fallen to reveal he was scrunching his eyes much tighter than necessary. He was quiet but starting to make noise, and Tomás twisted around in his seat to watch him. 

 

Tomás couldn’t remember if you were meant to wake someone from a nightmare, and he also wasn’t entirely sure if that’s what was happening to Marcus. Marcus’ face was fairly impassive, it was only the violent twitching that concerned Tomás. Unfortunately or fortunately, Tomás’ doubt was quickly saged as Marcus’ face contorted into one of pain and fear and he put his hands in front of his face in a defensive stance. 

 

“I’m sorry” Marcus  _ whimpered _ . “You can stop now, I won’t go near him again. Through my fault.”

 

Tomás couldn’t move, just watch. He’d never heard such a vulnerable sound come from Marcus. Marcus, everything strong and tenacious, had transformed into a scared and trembling child. Marcus whimpered again, and Tomás could see him start to cry and hide his face in his hands. Tomás shook his head and reached over, on his seat, and gently grasped Marcus’ forearm. Marcus didn’t react beyond hiding himself more, and even when Tomás shook him he didn’t wake. 

 

“Marcus, Father Marcus, you need to wake. It’s a nightmare, you’re safe, I promise you” Tomás said softly but firmly. “Cariño, wake up now, you’re safe.”

 

Marcus jerked and grabbed onto Tomás’ upper arms. “I’m really sorry, just let me go, father. Dad, I’m sorry, just-”

 

Tomás shook him once again and Marcus’ eyes snapped open and he sat up and looked around frantically. He was panting heavily and still clutching tightly onto Tomás and there were tears on his face.

 

“Marcus, where were you?” Tomás asked, loosening his grip but maintaining a firm hand on Marcus’ arm. Marcus didn’t speak, just stared at Tomás. Tomás sighed and pulled Marcus into a tight hug. “It’s alright now, Marcus, I’m here. You’re safe from your father, I promise that.”

 

Marcus shuddered and leaned into the hug despite his usual pride. “I’m sorry” He mumbled into Tomás’ neck. 

 

“Don’t be sorry, Marcus. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” Tomás had lost count of the times he’d had to tell someone that it wasn’t their fault. Abuse survivors like Marcus, and women who’d been brutally assaulted and who blamed themselves. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

 

“Was,” Marcus mumbled, but didn’t fight anymore. He just held on to Tomás and breathed deeply. 

 

“It’s ok. You’re ok” Tomás said softly. “We can talk later, but you’ll be ok.”

 

Marcus just nodded and let himself be comforted for the first time in a really long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> send me requests at @irlbyron on tumblr


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